Building Resilience in Your Young Children
Resilient children approach life with confidence and courage, as well as having the strength to bounce back from the many challenges that life brings.
As you might expect, there are alot more than 5 minutes of thoughts I could express here. School chaplaincy and counselling work (and training) revealed many simple steps that could be taken towards kids who live courageously, and who bounce back from lifes’ knocks, of which there are many. Friendship changes cause pain, pets die, school teachers lose patience, parents get divorced, family moves house, etc, etc, etc.
I have noticed a few great wise actions of parents whose children (even preschoolers) show more resilience. I want to suggest that these strategies will help your children to grow in their self-confidence and ability to cope. I’d be keen to hear others that you also use. They aren’t in any order, and its possible that they won’t all be right for your family either.
Give your children chores at home, from as young as is practical, keeping in mind their developmental age. Even a three year old can put their own clothes away and set a table. (Getting it right is not essential). Older children can empty the bin and the dishwasher, take their plates to the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher, make their own bed, get their school clothes ready to put on, clean their rooms and take their clothes to the laundry or where-ever clothes go.
Let your child do tasks they are capable rather than doing these for them (eg carry their own school bag, pack/make their school lunch, make friendships, wrap presents, pack away their toys, etc.)
Let them lose at games so they learn that losing is ok. (Think carefully about what game you play. Having them always lose because you are older and smarter than them is not the intention here).
Let your children do their homework independently with minimal help or supervision.
Set limits and stick to them. Only you know what these should be, but I’m thinking of things like “no screens in the bedroom” “homework before gaming” etc
Teach them to manage their feelings instead of rescuing them from them. Feeling those feelings is ok. It comes with being human. Simple body-based strategies work well with kids, to help them learn to calm themselves down. (See “Taming Sneaky Fears” below) If you personally need help with this, I have another blog on this topic.
Say goodbye at the school gate and let your children walk into school independently with the other students.
Find community groups for them to join - not just dance and sport, although these are ok. Guides, Youth, Landcare, etc etc are groups that emphasize giving back to the community, as well as providing mentors for your kids.
Make sure they know that they have your 100% confidence in their coping abilities so they know you have faith in them. (If you don’t, just pretend) Demonstrate it using the strategies above.
Let your kids hear you talking about how you use your courage to overcome challenges (physical, social, emotional).
Let your kids see you stepping outside your comfort zone.
If anxiety or coping are struggles for you, find out more about breathing, grounding, creative activities, mindfulness and self-compassion so that you have the skills and experience (and composure) to teach these to your children, before you go down the potentially unnecessary road of diagnosis and treatment. (professional counsellor speaking here)
Use some literary assistance-
“Taming Sneaky Fears” by Benoit and Monga, includes worksheets and activities.
“Hey Warrior” by Karen Young
“Mr Jitters” by Kerry Moss
Thoughts for older kids chores: let them ride their bikes or walk to school, get a job, mow the lawn, do some weeding, wash the car, cook dinner, wash and hang washing, vaccuum etc etc. Link pocket-money and phone payments to chores.
I’ve gone over my 5 minutes, sorry. Please write some comments.
